Over the Rainbow

I'm an absolute sucker for old movies. I mean, who doesn't love "It's a Wonderful Life" or "The Wizard of Oz"?

I think we all dream of some place that might be better. Some place that might offer more, whatever that more may be. Yesterday, I had a few friends find that rainbow for me. It wasn't quite as far away as you'd imagine.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

For now, I'll keep wishing on a star, so you know where to find me.

Today

It's been a while since I last posted. Well, new beginnings and a whole new start. On so very many levels at this time.

But as with all new starts, it's fresh and new. Today will be a good day, tomorrow even better. But Tomorrow will worry about itself when we get there.

Today is the greatest, as the Smashing Pumpkins.

Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow,
Tomorrow's much too long
I'll burn my eyes out

Before I get out
I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face

Today is the greatest
Day I've never known
Can't wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out
Before I get out

Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings

Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day

I want to turn you on
I want to turn you around
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you

Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever really known

Today is the greatest - because I say so!

Lonely Voices

For the longest time what I can only describe as the screaming in my head. Yup I'm pretty mental. Then there was the calm. Now... I guess, nothing is left of them but the "lonely voices". The parts of me that no longer have a place. That no longer need to be heard.

This has to be one of the better compositions I've heard in quite some time. This is a rather interesting mixture of metal, classical and gothic themes, Regicide (who are no longer performing sadly), "Lonely Voices".

In my dreams I still can see
The life that used to comfort me
But I know it fades away
In every minute – day by day
Now it seems I've lost my way
Searching for a place where I could stay
I became a living lie
While lonely voices started to cry

And so I face the setting sun
Our past can never be undone

Paradise I tried to find
And nothing else I had in mind
With blind eyes I walked on by
The things I didn't even try
Looking back I only see
Failure – endless misery
That is why I hear at last
Just lonely voices from the past...

And so I face the setting sun
A cage-bird - trying to fly with broken wings
Our past can never be undone
What lays beyond remains a mystery to me

And so I face the setting sun
A cage-bird - trying to fly with broken wings
Our past can never be undone
What lays beyond remains a mystery to me
To me...
Lonely voices in me...

Who knows what tomorrow brings? But I'm leaving the voices behind, somehow I think they'll understand.

Circus

Life really is a circus, at the best of times. But there are 2 types of people in this world, those that do and those that watch. I guess I'm more of a doer than a watcher. No point in trying to live through the experience of others.

So I'm back to Britney (told you she's one of my favourites). This one, "Circus", rings true for me in so many ways. I've been a ringleader of sorts and others tend to follow my lead. I'm usually the one fearless (or stupid enough) to do something first.

There`s only two types of people in this world
The ones that entertain
And the ones that observe
Well baby i`m a put on a show kind of girl
Don`t like the back seat
Gotta be first
Oh

I`m like the ring leader
I call the shots
I`m like a fire cracker
I make it hot

When i put on a show
I feel the adrenaline movin` through my veins
Spot light on me
And i`m ready to break
I`m like a performer
The dance floor is my stage
Better be ready
Hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me
In the center of the ring
Just like a circus
When i crack that whip
Everybody gonna trip
Just like a circus
Don`t stand there watchin` me
Follow me
Show me what you can do
Everybody let go
We can make a dance floor
Just like a circus
Ha Ha Ho Ho

Theres only two types of guys out there
Ones that can hang with me
And the ones that are scared
So baby I hope that you came prepared
I run a tight ship
So beware

I`m like the ring leader
I call the shots
I`m like a fire cracker
I make it hot

When i put on a show
I feel the adrenaline movin` through my veins
Spot light on me
And i`m ready to break
I`m like a performer
The dance floor is my stage
Better be ready
Hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me
In the center of the ring
Just like a circus
When i crack that whip
Everybody gonna trip
Just like a circus
Don`t stand there watchin` me
Follow me
Show me what you can do
Everybody let go
We can make a dance floor
Just like a circus
Ha Ha Ho Ho

Lets go
Let me see what you can do
I`m runnin` this show
Just like a circus
Yea
Like a what
Just like a circus

All eyes on me
In the center of the ring
Just like a circus
When i crack that whip
Everybody gonna trip
Just like a circus
Don`t stand there watchin` me
Follow me
Show me what you can do
Everybody let go
We can make a dance floor
Just like a circus

All eyes on me
In the center of the ring
Just like a circus
When i crack that whip
Everybody gonna trip
Just like a circus
Don`t stand there watchin` me
Follow me
Show me what you can do
Everybody let go
We can make a dance floor
Just like a circus
Ha

I'm the ringleader and I'm calling the shots, boy am I gonna put on a show!

I Get Up Again

Ah... the bounce back from what ever took its toll on you. Well slowly doing that, and many lager drinks, whisky drinks... and vodka drinks later, I'm getting back up again. I'm so very grateful for my Scottish heritage as I still don't suffer hangovers. But no doubt someday it'll catch up with me.

As with so many things. It doesn't matter what happens to you, it matters how you deal with it. It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down, what does matter is the number of times you get back up.

Here's an old one from Chumbawamba, "Tubthumping".

(The truth is, I thought it mattered)
(I thought that music mattered.)
(But does it? Bollocks! Not compared to how people matter)

(We'll be singing, when we're winning, we'll be singing)

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down

(Pissing the night away, pissing the night away)
He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink
He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times
(Oh Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boy)

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down

(Pissing the night away, pissing the night away)
He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink
He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times
(Don't cry for me, next door neighbour)

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
but I get up again
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (when we're winning)

I get knocked down, (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You nay ever gonna keep me down (ooh)

Nothing matters compared to how people matter.

Decode

Okay, so I haven't seen any of the twilight movies, so this is likely very much wasted on me. I just can't do a vampire that sparkles in the sun, so sue me! :P

I do like this song from Paramore. I've had to make a few tough judgment calls of late. But do think I've done the best I could with what I was given. Decoding things and making as much sense as possible where possible. Trying to let the rest go.

How can I decide on what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight all the time
Nor could I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all

Well, I will figure this one out on my own
(I'm screaming "I love you so.")
On my own
(My thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves

Yeah, Yeah

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well

I think I know
I think I know
There is something I see in you
It might kill me,
I want it to be true

I can't win all of your fights, how did we get here? I'll figure it out... in time.

Fuck You Very Much

Well I just couldn't find anything yesterday, so was at a loss with what to add. I've had so many WTF moments of late that I'm pretty lost.

Okay, so this is directed at a whole new target, but I think the chorus just works for me right now. Oddly enough the music video matches my mood a lot more.

But I guess it's time to move on... and I only this to add by Lily Allen:

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it's not okay to be gay
Well, I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick
Out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval you're after
Well, that's not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy
Living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're losing control a bit
And it's really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

You say you think we need to go to war
Well, you're already in one
'Cause it's people like you that need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

hehehehe... yeah :)

The Show Must Go On

Think I've been putting a pretty brave face for a while now. Not quite sure how much longer I'll be able to keep a brave face. But for now, I'll just keep trying. Not many other options really.

Really does feel like I've lost the plot entirely. But somehow I just keep ticking over. I'll keep my smile going for as long as I can.

Here is one that pretty sums up my existence at this moment. "The Show Must Go On" by Queen.

Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score..
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on!Yeah!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.
Another heartache - another failed romance.
On and on...
Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess i'm learning
I must be warmer now..
I'll soon be turning, round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!

The Show must go on!
The Show must go on! Yeah,yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking...
But my smile, still, stays on!
Yeah! oh oh oh

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die,
I can fly, my friends!

The Show must go on! Yeah!
The Show must go on!
I'll face it with a grin!
I'm never giving in!
On with the show!

I'll top the bill!
I'll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!
On with the,
On with the show!

The Show must go on.

Another heartache, but I'll now leave it to chance. I will find the will to carry on, with this show and the next.

The Hourglass

As the tail goes. It's never too late no matter how late in life it may be.

A good friend many years ago taught me the value of time. Sadly that was one thing he didn't have too much of. But I guess that's how it goes. But I've learnt a fantastic lesson that might otherwise have gone lost. The ultimate sacrifice but not without meaning.

Here is another Savatage classic, "The Hourglass". This is the tale of an old seaman who decides to end it all and sail out to sea to end it all. But fate has something else in mind for him. It seems he is due to meet a stowaway that's been tossed overboard. When faced with this choice he decides that he wants to live, if only to save the young man. Everything can change in an instant.

Standing alone by the edge of a river
He's traded his life for a glass full of tears
The bargain was quick for one's life is less dearer
When the sand's running out and the ending is near

The ending is near
The ending is near
The ending is...

The man climbed aboard and set sail for the ocean
He put on the mast all the canvas she'd take
Then laid himself down on the deck neath the tiller
The ship was his coffin this moment his wake

Runaway reasons
Runaway seasons
Time is a treason
That I give back to you now

The wind touched the sail and the ship moved the ocean
The wind from the storm set the course she would take
From a journey to nowhere towards a soul on the ocean
From the wake of magellan to magellan's wake

Runaway reasons
Runaway seasons
Everything in it
Hours and minutes
You take tomorrow
Because it means nothing
To me
To me
To ...

In the dark he heard a whisper
Asking him to understand
In the desert look for water
On the ocean look for land

In the dark he heard a whisper
Asking him to understand
In the desert look for water
On the ocean look for land

And there in the waves
Was a man in his grave
That he saw in the night
'Tween the flashes of light
And he
Could not be there

And all he had prayed
Or had given away
He now found to be wrong
In the grip of the storm
And he
Could not be there

Could you keep our lives together
Safely back onto the shore
Could you grant this last illusion
Only this and nothing more

Could you keep our lives together
Safely back onto the shore
Could you grant this last illusion
Only this and nothing more

And all at once the heavens bled their fire
The anchor broke the chains they flew away
And suddenly the waves were reaching higher
And in the dark I thought I heard them say

Could you keep our lives together
Safely back onto the shore
Could you grant this last illusion
Only this and nothing more

Everything I ever had for one more tomorrow
Everything I ever had for just one more night
And if this is not to be I pray could I borrow
Just another final hour onto my life

Did you ever really want to
Did you ever really want to

Lord, tell me how it will be
Lord, tell me how it will be

Standing once more by a boat on a river
He pushes it off while he stays on the land
And seeing the hourglass now so much clearer
Which someone had refilled by hand

And somewhere that boat's now adrift on the ocean
The mast at full sail and there's no one on board
The hourglass no longer sits by the ocean
Only his footprints all alone on the shore
And soon they're no more
No more
No more

Time to set that ship to sail. But I'm staying here. My hourglass stands and I'll leave only footprints in the sand.

Hero of the Day

Today's tune is a little heavier... although very mellow by Metallica's standards. While Metallica was always a metal band I think I only really began to enjoy them when they mellowed out a little. The self titled "Black" album was no doubt a defining point in what they had to offer.

Personally I really like this song. While no doubt far from the original context of the song I see this one as a struggle more within searching for that hero. It's about doing the right thing, not letting the world get you down.

Mama they try and break me

The window burns to light the way back home
A light that warms no matter where they've gone

They're off to find the hero of the day
But what if they should fall by someone's wicked way

Still the window burns
Time so slowly turns
And someone there is sighing
Keepers of the flames
Do you feel your names?
Can't you hear your baby's crying?
Mama they try and break me
Still they try and break me

S'cuse me while I tend to how I feel
These things return to me that still seem real

Now deservingly this easy chair
But the rocking stopped by wheels of despair

Don't want your aid
But the fist I've made
For years, can't hold or feel
No I'm not all me
So please excuse me
While I tend to how I feel

But now the dreams and waking screams
That everlast the night
So build a wall
Behind it crawl
And hide until it's light
Can't you hear your baby's crying now?

Still the window burns
Time so slowly turns
And someone there is sighing
Keepers of the flames
Can't you hear your names?
Can't you hear your baby's crying?

But now the dreams and waking screams
That everlast the night
So build a wall
Behind it crawl
And hide until it's light
Can't you hear your baby's crying now?

Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try
Mama they try hey!
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try and break me
Mama they try
Mama they try

Ultimately I'm not sure who is the keeper of the flame. But I do know that no matter how dark the times, there's is at least one candle burning in the dark to lead you home.

Stronger

Well it was just a matter of time really before I started with the Britney tracks.

I think this particular one is my theme for many days, so I might simply re-post this a few times.

Some say that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (well you tell a stroke victim that). But that said, moving on is often a difficult thing to do, until you realise that you are moving on, it's on your terms and that you really are stronger for it.

Ooh hey,yeah yeah

Hush, just stop
There’s nothing you can do or say, baby
I’ve had enough
I’m not your property as from today, baby
You might think that I won't make it on my own
But now I’m

Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My loneliness ain’t killing me no more
I Am stronger

Than I ever thought that I could be, baby
I used to go with the flow
Didn’t really care ‘bout me
You might think that I can’t take it, but you’re wrong
'Cause now I’m

Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My loneliness ain’t killing me no more
I Am stronger

Oh Come on, now
Oh, yeah

Here I go, on my own
I don’t need nobody, better off alone
Here I go, on my own now
I don’t need nobody, not anybody
Here I go(fade), allright, here I go(fade to loud)

Stronger than yesterday
it’s nothing but my way
My loneliness ain’t killing me no more
I Am . . .

Stronger . . .(than yesterday
now)that it’s nothing but my way
(My loneliness ain’t killing me no more)me no more

Now i'm Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My loneliness ain’t killing me no more(me no more)
I am stronger

I used to go with the flow, but now it's nothing but my way... I am stronger than yesterday.

Summer Wine

Well... feeling pretty used up right about now. Which brings me back to a more classic approach than the usual rocker that I am.

Today's theme song will be "Summer Wine"*. I think most people know the feeling of being robbed. In one way or another, and this pretty much sums it up.

Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things

I walked in town on silver spurs that jingled too
A song that I had only sang to just a few
She saw my silver spurs and said let pass some time
And I will give to you summer wine

Oohh-oh summer wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you summer wine

Oohh-oh summer wine

My eyes grew heavy and my lips they could not speak
I tried to get up but I couldn't find my feet
She reassured me with an unfamilliar line
And then she gave to me more summer wine

Oohh-oh summer wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you summer wine

Oohh-oh summer wine

When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes
My silver spurs were gone my head felt twice its size
She took my silver spurs a dollar and a dime
And left me cravin' for more summer wine

Oohh-oh summer wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off those silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you my summer wine

Oohh-oh summer wine

No matter how inviting some things may seem, you're best of leaving them well enough alone.

*I'm a big fan of the Ville Valo & Natalia Avelon version.

Wish Upon a Star

I think we all make wishes from time to time. Selfish or not, it doesn't really matter the reason. What does matter is that we continue to do so. A wish is a hope, a dream yet to be realised. If we don't make wishes, then we may as well lie down and wait to be collected.

From the movie Pinocchio here is "When You Wish Upon a Star".

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

I've wished upon stars for as long as I can now remember. Strangely they usually do come true. But then again, I've always had a deep connection to the stars. I guess they still shine on me once in a while.

So I'll keep wishing...

I'm Still Here!

I've come to one very big decision. I'm not going to change. How can the world want me to change? For as long as I can remember people have been saying do this, do that... grow up (that's got to be my favourite!) but why? So that they will feel happier? About what exactly.

No, here I am... I'll make my stand. This is who I am, I will not change. If I am to be Peter Pan, then let me.

This brings me to the theme song for the movie Treasure Planet by the Goo Goo Dolls. I always loved the story of Treasure Island, guess it's the adventurer in me.

I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment
That's held in your arms

And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what
Do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me
And throw me away

And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don't feel
Want to hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones they stay the same
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted-I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid

And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don't feel
Want to hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones they stay the same
They can't see me
But I'm still here

They can't tell me who to be
'Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin' while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe

And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don't feel
Want to hold on and feel I belong
And how can they say I'll never change?
They're the ones they stay the same
I'm the one now
'Cause I'm still here
I'm the one
'Cause I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here

I'm setting sail, just need two things first - Tinkerbell* and some Fairy Dust. Then it's on to follow the second star on the right, and home til morning.

* I've decided that with my angel tattoo, I'm also going to have a Tinkerbell done. Everyone needs their own fairy.

What Have You Done

I'm still pretty baffled as to how I came to be right where I am at this moment in time. One moment everything is finely balanced, the next in pieces around me. Who knew, not me...

But I'm going to turn the tables. Now my question is, "What have you done?" This one rings so deeply in my soul right now that I'm really dying for the answers. And yes, I'm not scared, just looking for a conclusion that finally makes some kind of sense.

So I ask the same question Within Temptation did, "What have you done"?

What have you done now?

I know I'd better stop trying
You know that there's no denying
I won't show mercy on you now

I know I should stop believing
I know that there's no retrieving
It's over now
What have you done?

What have you done now?

I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
What have you done now?
Why? Why does Fate make us suffer?
There's a curse between us
Between me and you

What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done now
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done now

Would you mind if I killed you?
Would you mind if I tried to cause you hell?

Cause you have turned into my worst enemy
You carry hate that I don't feel
It's over now
What have you done?

What have you done now?

I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
What have you done now?
Why? Why does Fate make us suffer?
There's a curse between us
Between me and you

What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done now
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done
What have you done now

I will not fall
Won't let it go
We will be free
When it ends

I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
What have you done now?
Why? Why does Fate make us suffer?
There's a curse between us
Between me and you

Between me and you

I waited a long, long time for someone like you, but it's over now... no really. What have you done?

The One Without a Name

Hmmm... ever have a bit of an identity crisis. No, I don't mean not knowing your name, or remembering where you were after a serious night out. But those days when you sit back and think, "Who am I really, where am I going?"

This song from Nightwish, "Nemo", sums up much of that. While there are many sub-plots to this one. I'm going on the lack of direction with the "without an honest heart as compass" and "Nemo sailing home".

As said this simply has so many sub-plots that no doubt this one will come back at some time.

Nemo

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavour
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forever more

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forever more

Nemo my name forever more

I'm looking for direction. I'm looking for many things... most importantly, I'm looking for me.

Watching in Silence

Well... well... well... Here's one that I've not played in sometime, but suddenly popped into mind.

I had someone offer me the best thought ever: if someone is stupid enough to walk away from you then you should be smart enough to let them go.

This brings me todays them tune...

Okay, so I'm biased to anything anyone from Savatage has ever done, but here's a track from Circle II Circle, "Watching in Silence":

Don't know why I feel
This way every night
Somehow lost my way
On this timeless flight All these feelings I keep locked up inside

I've pulled and twisted all those strings
And tried to mend these broken wings
Still inside the night I fly on

I'm moving on
I'm moving on
Watching in silence
Watching in silence again
Keep pushing on
I keep pushing on
Watching in silence
Inside the night as
All of the world
Is asleep

See me as I fly
So high in the night
All these feelings surround
This new gift of life
With these wings I'll fly
So high in the sky

I'll watch the world
As it goes down
It's buildings crumbled to the ground
The panic-ridden streets
Will cry on

I'm moving on
I'm moving on
Watching in silence
Watching in silence again
Keep pushing on
I keep pushing on
Watching in silence
Inside the night as
All of the world
Is asleep

You're feeling free
Apart from reality
All you do is run away

I'm falling from a hole in the sky
Once again don't know if I'll survive
Every second falling closer to the end
Broken wings of destiny
Spiral down again

You can feel the wind
Against your face
You cannot move
You're caught in place

I'm moving on
I'm moving on
Watching in silence
Watching in silence again
Keep pushing on
I keep pushing on
Watching in silence
Inside the night as
All of the world
Is asleep

I'm moving on, watching in silence. I'll keep pushing on... but I will survive. Broken wings or not... I will fly. And the world will remain asleep. Oblivious... while it remains constant, I can try to.

Hero

Actually today has to have two theme tunes. I've realised that no matter how close you think you are to breaking, just when you think you're on that last straw life throws one more thing your way. When that happens you think the world's going to come to an end... but you somehow carry on.

I've been carrying on for quite some time now. I expect that everyone has their limits eventually but for now I'll carry on carrying on.

So the second theme for today is, "Hero" by Mariah Carey. Don't let anyone ever tell you I don't have diverse choices.

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face your world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Today, I'm searching for that hero. I can only pray that I find him.

So Fucking What!

Okay, today my clutch on my new car went. It's really feeling like the last straw. But I've got little choice but to keep plugging away.

So I'm just going to say SFW!!

This has to be possibly the most obscene song ever produced. I love it. And today the Anti-Nowhere League pretty sum up my mood.

So fucking what?

Well I’ve been to Hastings
And I’ve been to Brighton
I’ve been to Eastbourne too
So What, So What
And I’ve been here,
And I’ve been there
And I’ve been every fucking where
So What, So What
So What, So What, you boring little cunt, who cares, who care’s what you do!?
And who care’s, who cares about you?
you, you, you, YOU

And I sucked sweets,
And I sucked rock
And I even sucked an old man’s cock
So What, So What
And I’ve fucked a sheep
And I’ve fucked a goat
I’ve had my cock right down its throat
So What, So What
So What, So What, you boring little cunt, who cares, who care’s what you do!?
Who care’s, who cares about you?
you, you, you, YOU

And I’ve drunk that
And I’ve drunk this
I’ve spewed up on a pint of piss
So What, So What
And I’ve had scag
I’ve had speed
I’ve jacked up until I bleed
So What, So What
So What , So What, you boring little cunt, who cares, who care’s what you do!?
Who care’s, who cares about you?
you, you, you, YOU

Well I've had crabs
And I've had lice
And I've had the pox and that ain't nice
So What, So What
AndI've fucked this
And I've fucked that
And I've even fucked a schoolgirl's twat
So What, So What
So What, So What, you boring little cunt, who cares, who care's about you?!
Who cares? who cares about you?
You, you, you, YOU.

I'm taking a very deep breath and simply say, "So Fucking What!"

Going Off the Rails

Today was a toss up between two of my more favourites... "Fly Away" by Lenny or back to Ozzy with "Crazy Train".

I keep thinking that I need to get away, anywhere would work... but nothing would be solved. Doesn't matter where we go in the world, the man in the mirror will still haunt us.

Guess I've got my ticket, I might as well board:

All aboard! Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!

Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay

Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate

Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Let's Go!

I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role

Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah

Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something' that just isn't fair

Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Right now I'm pretty much sure that I'm losing the plot. But somehow the last fragments of my reality are being held by a precious few. For now, not all is lost, hope remains.

Wish You Were Here

Well I had a pretty much out of body experience yesterday, hence the theme song is being added this morning. Was up until 5am... proceeded to sleep in the morning spend the afternoon at the pub, went home and crashed once again.

Sitting chatting to a friend, I couldn't help but think just how much I miss my dad. Been a little over 3 years since his passing and actually miss him more and more every day. I was always able to best resolve many of my problems by just talking to him, often not about the problem at hand. Guess that was a magical gift he had.

Today's theme song will be "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
And cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Still miss you dad... I really wish you were here.

Friends Right Till the End

Someone once said that while you can't choose your family you can choose your friends. Well at least half of that is true. Family is such a subjective word, there are many people that I am related to that aren't my family. There are also those that I'm not related to that certainly are family.

I'm lucky in that I've been able to pick some pretty awesome family members over the years (then I guess at times they might have picked me). When the wheels seem to be coming off there's usually someone with some superglue. Fair enough it might not be quite the same as in the beginning, but really that's just a detail.

Here is a classic from Queen, celebrating the fact that your friends are always there, right to the end.

Another red letter day
So the pound has dropped and the children are creating
The other half ran away
Taking all the cash and leaving you with the lumber
Got a pain in the chest
Doctor's on strike what you need is a rest

It's not easy love but you've got friends you can trust
Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands cos friends will be friends right till the
end

Now it's a beautiful day
The postman delivered a letter from your lover
Only a phone call away
You tried to track him down but somebody stole his number
As a matter of fact
You're getting used to life without him in your way

It's so easy now 'cos you got friends you can trust
Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands cos friends will be friends right till the
end

It's so easy now 'cos you got friends you can trust
Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands cos friends will be friends right till the
end

Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands 'cos right till the end-
Friends will be friends..yeah!

I've always said friends are stars, you don't always see them, but it is at the darkest times that they shine the brightest. Nothing would suggest otherwise to me.

Drinking with me Jesus

Times have been far too serious of late. So I'm changing it up a bit. Today we'll go with a classic from an old computer game I have, Redneck Rampage. That game has to rank up with some of the most offensive material to date - I love it!

Friday is officially Beerday by my reckoning, so I'm going with a drinking tune.

I saw you sittin' there
I was tryin' not to stare
I wasn't sure if it was you
I didn't know just what to do

Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
I can't see you very clear
Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
Would you buy a friend a beer

As I nestled on my barstool
I felt your warmness within
I looked down at my pants
That wasn't warmness
I wet myself again

Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
I can't see you very clear
Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
Would you buy a friend a beer

Does your head pound, Jesus
As hung over you do rise
How does paradise look, Jesus
Through holy bloodshot eyes

Should we take a cab home Jesus
Man, we can hoof it from here
I know you can walk on the water
But can you walk on this much beer

Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
I can't see you very clear

Hmmm... beer. I wonder if I've possibly got one coming? Would Jesus buy be a beer?

So Tired

Well I can honestly say that with the weekend fast approaching that I really am tired. I've been lucky enough to have some pretty amazing support from a few dear friends, without them... well... thankfully I had them.

Really feeling like butter that's been spread over far too much bread. Not much can be done right now, but I'll get on with it. Do I, do we, ever really have a choice?

It's often been said that if you play many types of music backwards you would end up with some form of satanic message. Ozzy was targeted more often than not, but lets face it, is he really smart enough to pull that one off?

Time has come to say goodbye
I know it's gonna make you cry
But you belong to another my love
And half a love there just isn't enough

I am so tired
And I just can't wait around for you
I am so tired
And I always thought we'd see it through yeah

I've waited all this time for you
Believed your promises were true
I keep believing that you mean what you say
Be mine tomorrow, now tomorrow's today

I am so tired
And I just can't wait around for you
I am so tired
And I always thought we'd see it through yeah

And I often sit and wonder why
You're not with me tonight
I stayed at home remaining true
While you do what you wanna do

And I often sit and wonder why oh
You're not with me tonight
And I stay at home remaining true
While you do what you wanna do

I am so tired
And I just can't wait around for you
I am so tired
And I always thought we'd see it through yeah
So tired, so tired
So tired, so tired
So tired

Think this one sums up so many things right now. Leave it to the Oz man to come straight with his message.

Bitter or not

Every once in a while we'll all be pretty angry at someone else. The real question here is why? Can you really blame someone else for "everything"? Okay... occasionally I guess we can, but look far beyond that. Do you really want to carry all of that yourself? Is it really going to do you any good? Is it worth it? All of that will only eat at you, take the parts of you that are really valuable. It's for all those reasons that you may feel bitter, that you shouldn't.

From the soundtrack to "The Rocker" I bring you the revised, "I'm Not Bitter"

Minutes
Turn into hours
And hours
Bleed into days
It's been years now
Since the trouble
You left me
And I wanna say

I'm not bitter
But I've seen
Better days
I'm not bitter
Is it
The better man
That always
Walks away

No phone call
Or even a letter
No words
To cause me any pain
It's been years now
Since anything
Could hurt me
And through this life
I think my way

I'm not bitter
But I've seen
Better days
I'm not bitter
Is it
The better man
That always
Walks away?
Watch me walk away

I'm not bitter
But I've seen
Better days
I'm not bitter
I'll be
The better man
Watch me walk away

Watch me walk away
(I'm not bitter)
Watch me walk away
(I'm not bitter)
Watch me walk away

...watch me walk away. I think there is a massive lesson in there somewhere. I think I've definitely had better days and I'm trying not to be bitter. I'm going to be the better man I'm going to walk away.

Medication

No matter how much we would like it, there simply isn't a pill to cure everything. Then again medication itself often takes various forms. I really wish that right now, "somebody would get me out of here", but no idea where I would go.

Medication by Garbage

I don't need an education
I learnt all I need from you
They've got me on some medication
My point of balance was askew
It keeps my temperature from rising
My blood is pumping through my veins

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else

I wear myself out in the morning
You're asleep when I get home
Please don't call me self defending
You know it cuts me to the bone
And it's really not surprising
I hold a force I can't contain

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else

And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me
And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
I've got to make a point these days
To extricate myself

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else

And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me
And still you call me co-dependent

Somehow you lay the blame on me
Somehow you lay the blame on me
Somehow you lay the blame on me

Think I could really use some medication right about now. But oddly enough I'm pretty sure somebody gives a damn...

Getting Older

Looking at a lot of the photos coming at me on Facebook these days makes me think just how time is passing by. Am I really getting that old?

Dream on has been covered by many. An Aerosmith classic and covered by DIO but think my favourite version might just be the Kelly Sweet version. For some reason it sounds very sad and haunting. And while I believe that it is supposed to be uplifting in many regards I can't help but feel that it is also a plead for what has come to past.

Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears, I guess we all have something to sing about, be it good or bad. It's all we have.

Everytime I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

Oh...

Sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On, Dream On, Dream On
Dream until your dreams come true
Dream On, Dream On, Dream On
Dream until your dream comes through
Dream On, Dream On, Dream On
Dream On, Dream On
Dream On, Dream On

Everytime I look in the mirror
The past is gone

As the years go by we have little choice but to move on. The past is gone, but tomorrow, well that's a whole new adventure. Me, I'm simply going to keep on dreaming.

Heal My Soul

I can't not start with the Greatest Band Ever - Savatage. I guess we're all looking for a little healing from time to time and this one from Streets pretty much says it all.

I've been waiting, long forgotten
Shipwrecked on a distant shore
Am I drifting, no more wanted
Floating outward evermore

All the dreams that I have harbored
In the labyrinth of my soul
Gone forever
Not discarded
Only sleeping
Till they're whole

In the graveyard of my heart now
Sleep the years that I've long sold
For their markers is there nothing
Only ghost I cannot hold

And Father hear me
I am tired
Shall I waken
In thy home

And hold me closer
I am trying
Sweet Lord Jesus
Heal my soul

Right now I am feeling tired... too drawn out. Far too many things come to an end. In a way very much shipwrecked, marooned somewhere foreign and I don't know where. I guess this song best describes this. A wary plead for break, for a change, for new hope.

Welcome to My Theme Tune

Well here is the intro to "My Theme Tune".

At the moment I'm going through a really tough time in my life, I'll not bore you with details right now, but perhaps over time the songs themselves will tell the tale. Perhaps not, who knows. But take what you want from them. While at times they may not seem to have the deepest of meanings, sometimes they're not supposed to. It's really what you want to take from them that is important.

Hopefully this can help offer some healing over time, or simply some honesty where it may be needed.

So I guess it's time to start...